Oh god someone help me!!!!?

Hi Im 19 i have very little social life right now mostly my only real genuine friend i think is a 60 year old! I know this person because i went to school with their step granddaughter and we stayed at his house one summer holiday together when we were 14. This person is not a creep in any way the sense that he's ever done or tried to do anything to me/us although i was wary when i first met him as he seemed kind of funny, weird and eccentric little 50 odd year old man who was skinny, about 5 ft 2 who smoked weed and had all the young kids round (boys and girls) we remained sociable friends even after his granddaughter went off the scene (as she seemed to change and become an awful person like her mother., even tried to break in and burgle her grandads house[my mate, the old guy]). So no-one talks to her now. Anyway Ive had one serious relationship in my life i had with a lad when we started dating in 2008 and ended in 2010 but was always on and off between 2009 and 2010. I got pregnant in december 2008 when we were living together in a rented room sortof thing and he started beating me up(nice i know!!). it was terrible, he would lock me in for hours and just literally do allsorts of things to torchure me except nothing ual he didn't go down that road thank god!! He'd promise to change and i took him back over and over for monthes as i was so scared about being pregnant and i really did love him in a way, i still havnt got over it at all. But when i found out how many weeks pregnant i was and that i would be definately a mammy i had to put my pregnancy, baby and sanity before my extremely distructive unsafe relationship and moved out. within days of breaking up i found out my ex had gone out with his best mate during the day to town, saw a basically homeless woman he'd met about once before all 3 of them went bowling then back to my exes and when his mate went my ex and this homeless 27 yr old woman had who had had her children taken away from her and lived in a hostel in town and was about 8 years older than my ex. that disgusted me when i found that out about 2 monthes later when i was around 6 monthes pregnant. especially after he'd pleaded to me that he loved me so much and told me to have this baby. anyway though we kindof got back together but i never ever forgot about everything he'd done and we never lived together again. But i was madly in love still and he was the father of my baby and with my unstable, unpositive family childhood and things i wanted it to be ideal, i wanted to make myself believe things could be almost perfect so much, for once. just liked id sortof dreamed (such a cliche) however i was seeing him behind social services back of course as they became involved for the violence when i pressed charges and had him convicted in court when i was pregnant too.... it just goes on forever this is merely the beginning of my story as to why i am here now. Now i feel very very depressed with my life and the way things are mostly because ive always wanted something better and just seem to have had no confidence at times and been very unlucky, i see my daughter whenever i want to (which is everyday) but for various reasons she lives around the corner from me with my grandparents due to social services and things. Because i feel so depressed and screwed up and terrible i know im not ready to have my daughter myself but i dont talk to anyone as no-body is really trustworthy i even think my eccentric 60 yr old stoner friend is a little selfish sometimes but maybe thats just age? I dont know I feel like if i ever did manage to turn my life around even my friend would talk about me to people and how i 'used' to be as he knows im very depressed but quickly turns the conversation to his problems with his kids, money, losing his wife etc. the only thing is ive heard all them stories tonssssss of times before i know HIS life almost as well as he does, he'll think he knows mine but really i keep alot back from everyone for many reasons. mostly because im just ashamed of things and how they've gone and how i handled certain things wrong or wasnt confident enough. I just want to be in a happy period in my life for once instead of stuck here in this rut where i usually feel suicidal and i probably would do it if i didnt have a baby. I dont talk to anyone because i dont have anyone. and if people arent very good friends how to i cleverly go about getting unwanted people out my life without causing anyone ( especially me!) damage??? or how do i be honest with people without them being hurt, falling out with me or shout at me for it? sorry its so long anyone who reads it, has anybody got any advice at all for me though please? thank you i would be very grateful.